I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
