So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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