OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
