Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
