guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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