I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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