And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
