she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
