im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
