Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
