I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dignity is for republicans.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
