Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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