Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
