I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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