Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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