i already hear my dad disowning me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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