i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk is a universal language darling
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
