just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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