My pussy is not your playground.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
