love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
