he shaved USA in his pubs
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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