i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish you could order shots online.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
