I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
