he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
