Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
