we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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