you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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