he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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