i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
