Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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