Moan for me like Helen Keller
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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