Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
