I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
