I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
