the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
