This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Farmville is her only friend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
