Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hell yes lets make some ravioli
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i think i just lost a toe
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
