my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
