i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
