overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
