Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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