So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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