she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
