You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
