I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
