He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
