Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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