I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
