And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
