I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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