Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
