He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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