What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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